Lux College Happiness

Sam’s Ten Tips for more Happiness

1. Do not look for happiness. If you search for it, it will elude you. The US Constitution includes the right of all men to the “pursuit of happiness”, but in pursuing it, you will not find it. What a bummer!

2. The “Elephant in the room”. That which does NOT get talked about, but everybody knows it is there. Asking the boss for a raise, suspecting your partner of having an affair, a debt that has been “forgotten”, or any other awkward situation. If you open your mouth and say it, the air will be cleared. No guarantee you will get what you want! If it’s bad news you know where you stand, and if it’s good news, then what a relief. Either way, you can relax and get on with the rest of your life.

3. Mindfulness – your observer self. Do you think worrying thoughts, or get anxious about what might happen, or fret over what someone might think about you, or find other of the ways to get your “knickers in a knot”. Your observer self is that part of you that sees what is going on. It might say, “Sam you are worrying about that interview today”. It notices and observes what is going on. It does not judge, it does not give you a hard time, and it does not tell what you should do. Because it is neutral it takes the sting out of what you are doing to yourself.

4. Share and talk with a friend. They say that, “a problem shared is a problem halved”. If we unburden ourselves we feel lighter; this is what a lot of counselling is about. This is not rocket science; this is because basically, we human beings need one another.

5. Choosing. Everything in your life you can see as a choice. Often the choice is between desire and duty. Between what we want and feel drawn to, versus what is expected or the “right” thing to do. If I make conscious choices then I am the master of my own destiny. If I believe I have no choice then I become a victim of my circumstances.

6. Forgiveness. This can be very challenging! As long as there are people in your life who have done you “wrong” and for whom you still bear a grudge, then you are in a trap. The only true freedom comes from forgiveness, and it has to be genuine. For many people, this is just too hard. I may sympathise with their sentiments, but I also know that they will never feel free while carrying this burden.

7. Reaching out. As I have said above, we human beings need one another. Why not contact someone today whom you have not seen for some time. They will be surprised and probably delighted. What are friends for?

8. Inner self. Who you are, what you want, your motivation, your personality, your love, your thoughts and feelings … and so many other things about you all come from within yourself. This is what is important, much more so than the outer world of appearances, others’ opinions, cultural norms and the numerous ways we are influenced to meet others’ expectations.

9. Setting personal empowerment goals. The acronym ‘SEWER’ is what I have come up with! Perhaps you can think of one that is less smelly?

S = Share your aspirations with others

E = Enjoy the journey of getting there

W = Worthwhile goals are the ones that you value for yourself

E = Easy goals that are not too difficult, but not too easy either!

R = Reminders. Have them all around you; do not rely on your memory

10. Do what is right for you. All of the above is about you and your life. It is up to you to make the most of it. I believe that in a well-lived life, the line between selfishness and selflessness becomes blurred. Ideally we are able serve others and serve ourselves at the same time, and without conflict or tension.



			Sam’s Ten Tips for more Happiness 1. Do not look for happiness. If you search for it, it will elude you. The US Constitution includes the right of all men to the “pursuit of happiness”, but in pursuing it, you will not find it. What a bummer! 2. The “Elephant in the room”. That which does NOT get talked about, but everybody knows it is there. Asking the boss for a raise, suspecting your partner of having an affair, a debt that has been “forgotten”, or any other awkward situation. If you open your mouth and say it, the air will be cleared. No guarantee you will get what you want! If it’s bad news you know where you stand, and if it’s good news, then what a relief. Either way, you can relax and get on with the rest of your life. 3. Mindfulness – your observer self. Do you think worrying thoughts, or get anxious about what might happen, or fret over what someone might think about you, or find other of the ways to get your “knickers in a knot”. Your observer self is that part of you that sees what is going on. It might say, “Sam you are worrying about that interview today”. It notices and observes what is going on. It does not judge, it does not give you a hard time, and it does not tell what you should do. Because it is neutral it takes the sting out of what you are doing to yourself. 4. Share and talk with a friend. They say that, “a problem shared is a problem halved”. If we unburden ourselves we feel lighter; this is what a lot of counselling is about. This is not rocket science; this is because basically, we human beings need one another. 5. Choosing. Everything in your life you can see as a choice. Often the choice is between desire and duty. Between what we want and feel drawn to, versus what is expected or the “right” thing to do. If I make conscious choices then I am the master of my own destiny. If I believe I have no choice then I become a victim of my circumstances. 6. Forgiveness. This can be very challenging! As long as there are people in your life who have done you “wrong” and for whom you still bear a grudge, then you are in a trap. The only true freedom comes from forgiveness, and it has to be genuine. For many people, this is just too hard. I may sympathise with their sentiments, but I also know that they will never feel free while carrying this burden. 7. Reaching out. As I have said above, we human beings need one another. Why not contact someone today whom you have not seen for some time. They will be surprised and probably delighted. What are friends for? 8. Inner self. Who you are, what you want, your motivation, your personality, your love, your thoughts and feelings … and so many other things about you all come from within yourself. This is what is important, much more so than the outer world of appearances, others’ opinions, cultural norms and the numerous ways we are influenced to meet others’ expectations. 9. Setting personal empowerment goals. The acronym ‘SEWER’ is what I have come up with! Perhaps you can think of one that is less smelly? S = Share your aspirations with others E = Enjoy the journey of getting there W = Worthwhile goals are the ones that you value for yourself E = Easy goals that are not too difficult, but not too easy either! R = Reminders. Have them all around you; do not rely on your memory 10. Do what is right for you. All of the above is about you and your life. It is up to you to make the most of it. I believe that in a well-lived life, the line between selfishness and selflessness becomes blurred. Ideally we are able serve others and serve ourselves at the same time, and without conflict or tension.